I did something crazy this week. I flew down to Mexico by myself for a 4 day surf trip. No kids. No wife. Fish tacos every day. A $90 a night hotel room with _youth hostel vibes_. And tons of surfing. Cerritos Beach in Mexico Now here’s the crazy part. It’s only the second trip I’ve taken “for fun” since in my eldest was born. Yes. I’ve only traveled by myself “for fun” one other time _in eight years_. (More on that later.) So this was special. Here are some metrics from my trip, starting with fish tacos: Next we have [margaritas]() (volume low to preserve surf energy): ![Blog post image](/images/blog/image-1-1024x623.png) And this was a “working” vacation (focusing mostly on my [$10K strategic thinking]()). And since I was sans kids, time felt like it literally stopped. Here’s __hours worked__ juxtaposed with __hours surfed__ : ![Blog post image](/images/blog/image-2-1024x624.png) (The waves were actually _too big_ – between six and eight feet which is outside of my skill set.) And as I write this essay on the flight back, I was overwhelmed by deep gratitude. I said to myself: __“Damn, I’m no longer living the deferred life plan.”__ ## What is the deferred life plan? For much of my corporate life, I was living for tomorrow. The next vacation. The next purchase. The next promotion. You could call it the hedonic treadmill. The [when-then trap](). Or just an omnipresent dissatisfaction with what was directly in front of me. Now some of this “deferring” was in service for a better tomorrow. Making financial sacrifices for [my kids’ college education](). Or [learning a new skill]() to advance my career. And I’m glad I made those sacrifices. But the deferred life plan was a bit more sinister. It was [an elusive pursuit of fleeting happiness](). It was a flawed belief that my _life would start_ once I hit [“my number.”]() Or when I retired at sixty. Now leaving Wall Street seven years ago put the plan into motion. But it wasn’t until this trip that I realized how all the pieces fit together. Here’s how it went down. # Acknowledge the magic window I’m a big believer that life is lived in seasons. And each one of these seasons contains its own magic. There’s __the summer after freshman year__ , where there’s no pressure to “get the internship.” There’s the __just-married-with-no-kids__ phase where the world is your oyster (and your time is yours). There’s the [your-kids-think-you’re-the-best-person-ever]() phase of new parenthood. And then at the ripe age of 42.75, there’s the __my-body-still-lets-me-do-physical-activities-without-consequences__. This realization that there aren’t sooooo many years where I can surf 6 foot waves for 5 hours made me realize that the time is now. Not tomorrow. ## Finding true partnership with your spouse When I told friends about this trip, there were two common responses. The first (and more typical): > What, you’re marriage is f*cked up if you can’t take off with your boys for 8 years! The second response was: > What, I can’t believe your wife let you go! The reality is that neither is true – __for us.__ While we definitely don’t split parental responsibilities 50-50 (Lisa is the primary caretaker), I’m heavily involved in pick-ups, meals, baths and bedtime routines. __By choice.__ The reason I avoided traveling for so long was because __I didn’t want to miss those special moments.__ It felt selfish. But with our kids _a touch_ older (and both in school), we’ve entered __a new season__ of life. And Lisa and I are totally aligned on what it means for each of us getting back to the things that we each put on hold. ## You’ll still make excuses to not do it Despite getting the family blessing to go, I still was lollygagging about actually taking the trip. I’d make up a lot of excuses around work (“My team needs me around”), family (“I’m going to feel guilty”), logistics (“What if I get stuck with COVID in Mexico?”) and cost (“My portfolio just got annihilated, is this really prudent?”). What this taught me is that even for things that excite me, I still needed to harness my own agency. And that meant fighting the complacency to put things off (and stay on the deferred life plan). ## Work-life-harmony is where it’s at The crazy part about this all is that when I wasn’t surfing, I wanted to work. I wanted to do some 5 year visualizations. Think about new customer acquisition strategies. Brainstorm a marketing analytics framework. And with no kids around, I had _plenty of time_ to do it. There was something creatively inspiring of being out of my environment, with lousy WiFi and some _Tacos Pulpos_ in front of me. Plus, I had the full faith and confidence in my team that our business was humming along. Tacos #6 and #7, Pulpo on the right ## Mother nature is a fickle beast To be honest, the actual surfing part __wasn’t epic.__ There was leftover hurricane swell that generally made the waves a bit too big and powerful for my skill level. I didn’t have the epic rides that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. But it didn’t matter. I was there. Every moment was peaceful. And most importantly, I wasn’t waiting for an imaginary tomorrow. Shout-out to my fantastic host (and longtime RadReader) Greg R. ## You may enjoy * [Are ambitious parents, bad parents?]() * [You’re not rich (if you’re constantly doing this)]() * [Would you do data entry on a Saturday?]()